It has been a while since I felt like writing. I have been fighting a combination of sadness and disbelief through the past year. In a way is hard to understand my feelings because there is so much in my life to be happy and thankful, it feels unreasonable to struggle to find hope and joy. However, is also understandable since I reached the level in my cancer where I will not be in remission again. For the rest of my life I will be in a treatment hoping that the cancer does not spread. Last year I started my first permanent treatment with a medicine that targets the gene that is creating the cancer. This treatment had good results until November 2017. Now I am starting an additional medication to control a new different gene that was found during my checkups. This is how my future looks, fighting one battle at the time.
Somedays I have felt that my time is running out and have allowed anxiety and worry in my head but in my heart, I understand that this past five years fighting cancer I have been in God’s hands, not doctors. I know that at some point inevitable I will die but the most important thing is that I continue to believe that God is in control and I will enjoy my time here if I keep my eyes focus on Him.