This past July, as I celebrated my third year cancer free, I felt more grateful and also more humble than the year before. I have been blessed with enough health to continue a regular life, I am blessed with a precious family and there will not ever enough words to explain, how much every additional day I have been giving, after the first diagnose, means to me.
For the past three years, my life was able to go back in track, some kind of it. With each week passing, month, season and years I was able to recline on some “normality” again, able to rest from the “treatment life style” and let the cancer mentality awareness on the side.
During the accumulation of doctors’ visits, treatments, lab work, surgeries and more, when I have been fighting cancer, I have embraced a situation that is discomforting but at the same time hopeful. To me, been able to receive treatment, is an opportunity that allows me to be here tomorrow instead of preparing to depart. Like everyone else, I had the idea of an unknown, but probably, long term life, so when that strong concept was challenged a part of me obviously crumbled.
The first time the oncologist talked to me about remission, it was a word without much meaning or particular importance. I was explained that I was always going to be considered a cancer patient, but if cancer was not active, I would be in remission. As much instability as I felt, I also felt as it is a pass to find the most extraordinary gift in the world. I grab my pass and started planning very slowly my life again, I wanted to hold that ticket with thankfulness not bitterness or fear.
I am thankful and feel blessed for those 2051days that I woke up to my kids’ smiles.
I haven’t been able to figure out if the third time I heard the news, it was comparable in any way to the first or the second time, but I know for sure, that on 12/7/16 I understood what remission means and processed a little better that I had started another part of the journey.
In each part of my journey, my blog has meant different things to me. Sometimes I have felt that I just wanted to see my feelings and thoughts on a paper but keep them privately to me. Sometimes, I remembered the little spark of hope that I received from survivor’s stories and wanted to put a drop of hope in someone that was in the fight. The “going out remission stories” have always been difficult to process for me. It was always the thought of losing my ticket again but at the same time understanding what a real fight is, more than one punch and I will take as many chances life gives me to fight cancer back.
I am starting 2016 with a treatment plan that includes radiation and medicine to attack cancer located in my left lung pleura, two small lesions in my chest and a third small lesion in the right side of my brain. I am feeling very hopeful and encouraged by the doctors and thankful for the treatment that I have been offered and able to receive. I don’t think I have allowed myself to even consider a bad scenario since as we, cancer patients, hear often, we must keep a positive attitude and thoughts. As always, during each low or down moment of my journey I consider God as my main support and provider. I couldn’t, mentally embrace the many fears that try to get into my head, without the grace of God that brings me daily peace.
For other “out of remission” patients out there, I hope this is a message of hope and gives you strength to go through your next step. I will be fighting like you to start and finish 2017 able to enjoy many blessing each and every day.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from us!