Happiest day in the past months, I came back home!

October 13, 2012

The day I had to go to Bogota for my surgery was a very sad day. My kids usually are calm when I have to travel, which is not very often, but on this occasion we all were really troubled. Isa specially had already showed us how upset she was just the day I explained to them I had to leave for a few weeks so the doctor could take “the little ball out” (this was the way I explained about my tumor). Seeing her so sad just broke my heart and it took a lot of trust in God to be calm during the next few days. During the weeks I spend in Bogota Scott and the girls were able to come and visit for a few days. I worked really hard to look my best and we were able to enjoy different family activities while they visited. I could see it was hard for them to see me “weak”, the little ones were more comfortable making questions and finding out details about my surgery. My sweet Maria however was having a difficult time with the topic and was keeping herself as distant as possible. A couple of days after I returned home I asked her again about her attitude and explained that I was worried about her feelings. She then said: “You are not supposed to get sick”. She was right, this situation has questioned everything we have believed in as a family, it has made all of us wondered what would happen if the worst would come. There is not a good way to explain your kids that your life is in danger and that you would need to change all your priorities to focus on fighting a terrible disease. However I am still grateful because I know that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28). This difficult moment in life was a surprise to me, but it was not for my Father in Heaven. I know He has a perfect plan and purpose with our family. It is not easy for me to be away for months to get treatment and not be able to get my kids’ hugs every day. Is hard for my family to learn how to move on while I am gone but I know that this is not forever and that while we don’t have everything we have what we need most.

One afternoon while I was far from home I called very upset because I found out a few chores had not being completed and at some point something was going to fail at home. When I talked to my oldest daughter about it she explained that it was going to be okay and I needed to relax, she then said: “we are learning to take care of each other and we will make it work”. I was so proud of her, she is only 16 and yet she just had learned a valuable lesson that no words would have taught her. So, while I am home these days before going back for chemotherapy, enjoying my kids, going to the beach, catching up with a lot I have missed, thinking that in less than a week I will have to get going and do all this again, the most important thought on my mind is about God. Is a thought about a loving, merciful and almighty God. He never has failed me and I know He is not about to start now. My Father has already solutions for the problems that have not even come. He is raising me still, raising my kids and if I stay out of the way with my “stressful” way of trying to fix it all, He will do just fine without my help. This life is not perfect but is not supposed to be, it will be perfect when we arrive home with Him!